Review.

Going through old writings, and it’s tough.

I should have fought harder.

I should have gotten a restraining order.

I just didn’t — couldn’t — believe, it would get so bad.

It got so bad.

It got worse.

I lost my son.

Would things be different if I’d fought harder in 2008?

In 2012?

I wrote a letter, and didn’t send it.

I wrote it, and showed it to my therapist.

We decided I wasn’t going to send it.

Maybe it would have made things worse.

Maybe.

One thought on “Review.

  1. "Stuart"

    Here’s an idea, maybe you should have tried in 1995. You didn’t lose me, I was never yours. Maybe if you had actually cared back then as much as you pretend to now, I would have been yours to lose, but you didn’t, and I wasn’t. Maybe if you had even tried to be a mother to me even just one time, things wouldn’t have turned out the way they did. Do you have any idea how long I fantasized about leaving and never looking back? I was afraid of you for so long, long after the point where your abuse had stopped being physical and was purely mental and emotional, because while I didn’t realize it at the time, you had become too afraid of me after my growth spurt in early high school. I didn’t realize that due to how terrified I still was of you. I still remember October 15th every year as my liberation day. You told me that I was worthless, and that no one loved me every day of my life until I believed it. Even after that day, when I finally worked up enough courage to escape, it took me years to shake that from my psyche. The saddest thing is, I think you’re delusional enough and a skilled enough manipulator that you might have gaslit yourself into this fabrication, utter artifice.
    I am not afraid of you anymore.

    Like

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