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borderline butterfly

emerge when ready

Author: borderlinebutterfly

Becoming.

On September 20, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

I’m unapologetic about my mental health journey. I overshare. I know. I’m open in hopes of supporting someone else through what I survived. My illness makes emotions feel stronger. I’ve been called too sensitive; thin-skinned. Sometimes I impulsively delete accounts and start over. Bless your heart if you’ve followed me through a few of those …

Continue reading Becoming.

Disappoint.

On August 18, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

I wanted to have at least a rough draft ready by September. And then all the things happened. Further I lost the habit of taking my meds daily. Not proud. Just honest. Flailing, a bit.

Gaslighting.

On February 25, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn incomplete1 Comment

It wasn't until my September 2000 suicide attempt that I learned about gaslighting. Until my hospitalization, my therapy was observed and critiqued by my abusers.

Detached.

On February 21, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

What's worse than feeling all the things too much? Feeling nothing.

Withdrawn.

On February 21, 2020February 21, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

My colleagues invite me to lunch, or to go for a walk, but I decline. This little quiet corner of the office is just fine with me. My partner has been doing the shopping. I'm overwhelmed in public spaces.

Bittersweet.

On February 20, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

The first few years, I convinced myself that I had somehow become the nightmare momster that many children of a parent with BPD have written about escaping.

Identity.

On February 20, 2020February 20, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

It's no surprise I sometimes don't recognize myself in mirrors. I'm trying to focus on sharing my story, but I'm dissociating and having a hard time remembering those people inside.

Fugue.

On February 19, 2020February 20, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

I'm functional, but dissociating. I go to work and do work and go home. It's nearly impossible to go to the store or visit friends. I have the need to exist solely in well-known safe and quiet places. My throat begins to close if I think about any variance from a well-worn path.

Mirrors.

On February 17, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn Uncategorized1 Comment

Sometimes I don't realize I've been avoiding my own reflection until I catch a glimpse of it.

Picky.

On February 14, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn incompleteLeave a comment

Since I was little, I've been called picky. When I was old enough to try new things — I didn't.

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Who’s Who.

I’m Nicole. This is my story.

I was hospitalized after a suicide attempt in 2000, diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and adult ADHD in 2001, and PTSD in 2013.

Tyrone is my late ex-husband.  We were married from 1993 to 2001. He died from depression in 2007.

Donna is his mother. Frank is his father. He has one brother.

Stuart and Coraline are mine with Tyrone. They were born in 1995 and 1997.

Westley is my husband now. We married in 2006. We first dated in high school.

Rebecca is his/our oldest. She was born in 1993. She lived with us for a few years as a teen.

Stuart chose to become estranged in 2012, and moved in with Donna and Frank his senior year of high school. He has not spoken to me since 2013, and has very limited contact with other family members, by his choice.

Nicole.

Recent Posts

  • Lighter.
  • Healing.
  • Abuse.
  • Good.
  • Estranged.
  • Re-release.
  • Release.
  • Review.
  • Twenty.
  • Inspire.
  • Becoming.
  • Disappoint.
  • Gaslighting.
  • Detached.
  • Withdrawn.
  • Bittersweet.
  • Identity.
  • Fugue.
  • Mirrors.
  • Picky.
  • Hate.
  • Fragmented.
  • Kidnapped.
  • Death.
  • Diagnosis.
  • Alienation.
  • Hopeless.
  • Wrongness.
  • Moments.
  • Invisible.
  • Sensitive.
  • Collapse.
  • Storytelling.
  • Learning.
  • Nine.
  • Eight.
  • Seven.
  • Six.
  • Five.
  • Four.
  • Three.
  • Two.
  • One.
  • Symptoms.
  • Escape.
  • Lucky.
  • Bursts.
  • Hindsight.
  • Recovery.
  • Myths.
January 2021
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