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borderline butterfly

emerge when ready

Category: Uncategorized

Lighter.

On December 3, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

I was invited to visit Frank yesterday. And I did. Frank is a sweet old man. He seems to have changed little, except...

Healing.

On November 15, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

I'm healing. I'm not healed. I may never be healed. But the process of healing is improving me.

Abuse.

On November 1, 2020November 1, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Our youngest did not learn until she was nineteen that my ex was abusive. And that is darkly one of my proudest achievements.

Estranged.

On September 30, 2020December 3, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

For some time in early 2013, the only way I could contact my son Stuart was through his paternal grandmother, Donna. He'd gone to visit her for a day or two on numerous occasions. When he'd left home in October 2012, I never imagined he would not return.

Re-release.

On September 30, 2020September 30, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Don’t tell me you’re praying for me while you’re putting me through Hell. You don’t know me at all. You know a ghost. The person you accuse me of being is a figment of your imagination, nothing more.

Twenty.

On September 28, 2020November 19, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

I'm not embarrassed. I'm celebrating. Not everyone gets to see what life looks like twenty years after a suicide attempt. This life is glaringly dissimilar to what I left in 2000.

Inspire.

On September 20, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

When my first life ended, I was 28. I was a married mother of two. I worked from home. I had a high school diploma. We lived in a mobile home on a big rural lot. I’d met my first husband at 20. We were married the following year. We had a boy when I …

Continue reading Inspire.

Becoming.

On September 20, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

I’m unapologetic about my mental health journey. I overshare. I know. I’m open in hopes of supporting someone else through what I survived. My illness makes emotions feel stronger. I’ve been called too sensitive; thin-skinned. Sometimes I impulsively delete accounts and start over. Bless your heart if you’ve followed me through a few of those …

Continue reading Becoming.

Disappoint.

On August 18, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

I wanted to have at least a rough draft ready by September. And then all the things happened. Further I lost the habit of taking my meds daily. Not proud. Just honest. Flailing, a bit.

Detached.

On February 21, 2020 By borderlinebutterflyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

What's worse than feeling all the things too much? Feeling nothing.

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Older posts

Who’s Who.

I’m Nicole. This is my story.

I was hospitalized after a suicide attempt in 2000, diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and adult ADHD in 2001, and PTSD in 2013.

Tyrone is my late ex-husband.  We were married from 1993 to 2001. He died from depression in 2007.

Donna is his mother. Frank is his father. He has one brother.

Stuart and Coraline are mine with Tyrone. They were born in 1995 and 1997.

Westley is my husband now. We married in 2006. We first dated in high school.

Rebecca is his/our oldest. She was born in 1993. She lived with us for a few years as a teen.

Stuart chose to become estranged in 2012, and moved in with Donna and Frank his senior year of high school. He has not spoken to me since 2013, and has very limited contact with other family members, by his choice.

Nicole.

Recent Posts

  • Lighter.
  • Healing.
  • Abuse.
  • Good.
  • Estranged.
  • Re-release.
  • Release.
  • Review.
  • Twenty.
  • Inspire.
  • Becoming.
  • Disappoint.
  • Gaslighting.
  • Detached.
  • Withdrawn.
  • Bittersweet.
  • Identity.
  • Fugue.
  • Mirrors.
  • Picky.
  • Hate.
  • Fragmented.
  • Kidnapped.
  • Death.
  • Diagnosis.
  • Alienation.
  • Hopeless.
  • Wrongness.
  • Moments.
  • Invisible.
  • Sensitive.
  • Collapse.
  • Storytelling.
  • Learning.
  • Nine.
  • Eight.
  • Seven.
  • Six.
  • Five.
  • Four.
  • Three.
  • Two.
  • One.
  • Symptoms.
  • Escape.
  • Lucky.
  • Bursts.
  • Hindsight.
  • Recovery.
  • Myths.
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